The American identity is founded on individuality. I get it. The first settlers had only themselves and family to count on. That kind of rugged persistance is at the heart of the American psyche. I've got it in me too. It's a really good thing.
But the world is different now. No one lives expressly on their own merit. How many people had something to do with the manufacture of your car? How many people are involved in extracting and processing the fuel that powers it? How many people put your computer together? How many people make sure you have the electricity to run it? Extract the coal... transport it... run the plants?
We're not pioneers... okay? We are not primitive homesteaders, as romantic and admirable as that notion might be. We are part of a sophisticated and highly complex society. We are interconnected in ways unimagined in human history. Money is becoming more liquid, transportation cheaper, and technological communication more tightly woven. I for one like it that way.
As an aside, if you go for the frontier thing, you can still do it. Alaska is the best place, but the deep West is still good for it. Wyoming, Idaho...
But the rest of us know that as a society gets more complex, it requires more laws. With cars come speed limits. With the internet comes new child porn laws. Its the nature of human organization. Please, frontier people... get over it. Laws really are necissary, not because YOU need to be told what to do, but because some other dumb fuck does. Hell, I dream of the day handguns are outlawed because I shudder at the fact of some 80 IQ asshole who's mama didn't love him has a fucking 45 with hollow-points. Doesn't that bother you? Are you a parent? I am.
I'm willing to give up my FREEDOM to carry a gun in exchange for the RIGHT to live in a country were dumb fucking assholes can't get guns. I grew up in Kansas City, Missouri. My best friend growing up was in a gang at age 15 and owned a sawed-off shotgun. Others in the gang had handguns. Are you hearing me? 13, 14 year-olds with lethal weaponry. I'm a city boy. I hated knowing someone might have death up their sleeve at any moment. I've had three guns pulled on me. Twice shown a gun, which gets the fucking point across, I guarentee. And once pulled and pointed. That one sucked. I faced my mortality in that moment. I really thought I was going to die. Because that's what handguns do: kill people.
Here's the big difference again, for those who missed it the first time: If I live alone on a prarie, you'd better not even try to take my gun. But if I live in a city with millions of inhabitants, I would way rather have no guns. Its a game of odds. If one in 100,000 is an out of control crazy fuck, that means Manhattan has 16 serial-killer crazy fucks right now. Just walking around on that tiny island. What is it? Six miles by two?
I look at a country like Great Britan. Once one of the greatest empires known to man. They subjigated entire other cultures to work and pay taxes to them. India. Africa. Australia. The United States. Canada. All over the world, England has left its mark. It remains a world power, although diminished by WWII and the passing of the 'age of empires.'
Now they have a modern, prosperous nation. But without guns. No one has guns. Not even the cops. They don't need them. Gun deaths are so much lower it's rediculous. Rediculous. Like 13 to 15,347 kind of rediculous. No one dies from gunshot. There just aren't that many guns around. They're highly illegal. (In the US any random terrorist jackass can buy a gun at a gun show.) Pawn shops have slightly higher requirements, but just barely.
Can I remind you that we're talking about the UK, who once bragged that "The sun never set on the British Empire?" They subjigated entire cultures at gunpoint, yet... kept guns out of their own personal lives.
Now, let's go that last mile. Let's look deep inside and see that England represents the very boogey-man that modern conservatives fear when they talk about 'government.'
England never feared its own government. They have strict gun laws. As it was establishing colonies across the world with the liberal use of musketry, it was keeping the lethal consequences of gunpowder away from its own citizens.
So along comes the American Revolution. We can't stand the British government's heavy handed rule anymore. We vow to never again be subjigated in such a way. We write gun ownership into our founding document, since guns were essential to our overthrowing the tyrants.
But what an irony. Our own neurosis leftover from British domination has led us into a love affair with guns that has now killed more Americans than all the wars we've been in combined.
Yet people still hold on to their guns, claiming that if you take them away, only criminals will have them. Ignoring the fact that if you stop making them, and destroy all you find, eventually even criminals will no longer have them, with the exception of the criminal elite. The criminal elite do not rob convenience stores. They do not shoot up schools.
By the way, most police support this idea. The only people who do not are the ones who somehow feel that a handgun makes them safer. In other words, delusional cowards.
Owning a gun does not make you safer. It is more likely to be used against you or discovered by a child. Furthermore, your right to own that gun puts millions of guns on the streets and into the hands of every strung out 15 year old crack head out there. The presence of handguns makes us all more unsafe. Period.
I almost feel foolish arguing this, it is so obvious. Get rid of handguns. Stop making them. They are an unnecessary hazard.
Plus... they don't make your dick any bigger.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Daddy, what's a conservative?
A Man and his Daughter:
Bedtime arrives, and it’s time for the young man to put his wise little daughter to sleep...
“Goodnight, honey, I hope your day was good. Before you go to sleep, is there anything you want to talk about?”
“Yes, daddy, what’s a conservative?”
“Well, I guess, strictly speaking its a person who likes to conserve his resources. Think of the root word, honey.”
“So they probably get along good with the conservationists.”
“Well, er, no honey, they aren’t really into conserving our habitat. They believe in a free market... without things that get in the way, like pollution controls and regulations. Conservatives like big business and sometimes those corporations do naughty things that really mess the environment up.”
* * *
“I guess what I meant to say is that conservatives are more conservative in the way they view America. They wish that things could be like they were before the world got so crazy.”
“So they want the world to be like before we had fast food, TV, that stuff?”
“Yeah. That’s it. They don’t like change.”
“I remember how gramma B said that in her day, nothing was wasted.”
“Well, that’s true...”
“Grandpa made tin cups out of old cans, and they even composted for their garden. They never wasted or threw away anything. The only people I know who are living like that are your hippie friends. Are they conservatives?”
“Er, no honey, I, er... give me a moment here. You’re right of course.”
* * *
“I guess what I meant to say is that conservatives want to conserve the public dollar. They speak for accountability in the public sector, and they just want to lower taxes for the working people.”
“Silly daddy. Remember last night? Your bedtime story was about how defense accounted for more than half the national budget during the Reagan years. You told about how Reagan accrued four times the debt of all the presidents before him combined. Less than a trillion in, over four trillion out. You said he was the most popular conservative president of our time.”
“Well, I’m glad you were listening, honey, but...”
* * *
“I guess what I meant to say is that conservatives want to conserve family life. They want the American family to return to the way it used to be: A married man and woman living together with two to four children."
“But daddy, didn’t you tell me that in grandma’s day the whole family lived in the same house - aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins?”
“Well, yes, before the industrial revolution, that’s the way most families lived. Its called the ‘extended family.’ Sometimes I think that’s where we went wrong - when we separated the children from daily contact with their grandparents.”
“So the conservatives want us to go back to whole extended families all living in a farmhouse together?”
“Well, er, no... they advocate what we call a ‘nuclear family.’ The mother, the father, and kids.”
“How long did that kind of family exist?”
“Hmmm, I’ve never thought about it, but I guess from after the Great Depression until around the 1970’s when the nuclear family started to unravel. I guess that kind of family was dominant for about twenty or thirty years before it started to get in trouble.”
“So they don’t really want a traditional American family. They just want the kind of family that they knew when they were growing up?"
“Er, well...”
“And, if I understand you correctly, that kind of family was the first step in the eventual unraveling of the American family. Once they removed the elders from family life, things went
downhill fast.”
“Uh, well, yes. I guess I never really thought of it that way.”
* * *
“I guess what I meant to say is that conservatives want to conserve legislation. They feel that the free market works best without artificial controls. That’s what the whole ‘Reagan revolution’ was about. Reagan was a great visionary that came up with the idea that a market self corrects. He said that if you just leave the market alone, it will always stay healthy. What’s good for business is good for America.”
“Um, daddy? Don’t you remember telling me how a long time ago people used to believe the same thing? Before the great depression?”
“Well, yes... now that I think about it. It was called the Classical model of economics.”
“And wasn’t that school of thought proven wrong by the big stock market crash?”
“Hmm... yes it was... but I’m sure that Reagan had some new ideas, he was great at cutting taxes and saving people money.”
“But didn’t you tell me that Reagan entered office with less than a trillion dollars in national debt, and left office with over four trillion?”
“Yes...”
“So he pretended to give us money, but we ended up owing more in the end?”
“Well, I guess you could put it that way...”
“Where did all that money go?”
“Well, aside from enormous defense spending, Reagan gave tax breaks to large corporations so they could re-tool and build new factories. The US was still operating with World War II machinery, and other countries like Japan and Germany had an advantage over us.”
“Didn’t those companies use that tax break money to build new factories overseas?”
“Well, I guess that did happen a lot.”
“So the American people paid to have their own jobs taken away?”
“Well, it’s more complicated than that, honey...”
“But daddy, you said that what’s good for business is good for America - that doesn’t seem true here.”
“Well, I guess you’re right, honey.
* * *
“I guess what I really meant was that the word ‘conservative’ is very misleading. Now go to sleep, dear.”
“Good night, daddy.”
Bedtime arrives, and it’s time for the young man to put his wise little daughter to sleep...
“Goodnight, honey, I hope your day was good. Before you go to sleep, is there anything you want to talk about?”
“Yes, daddy, what’s a conservative?”
“Well, I guess, strictly speaking its a person who likes to conserve his resources. Think of the root word, honey.”
“So they probably get along good with the conservationists.”
“Well, er, no honey, they aren’t really into conserving our habitat. They believe in a free market... without things that get in the way, like pollution controls and regulations. Conservatives like big business and sometimes those corporations do naughty things that really mess the environment up.”
* * *
“I guess what I meant to say is that conservatives are more conservative in the way they view America. They wish that things could be like they were before the world got so crazy.”
“So they want the world to be like before we had fast food, TV, that stuff?”
“Yeah. That’s it. They don’t like change.”
“I remember how gramma B said that in her day, nothing was wasted.”
“Well, that’s true...”
“Grandpa made tin cups out of old cans, and they even composted for their garden. They never wasted or threw away anything. The only people I know who are living like that are your hippie friends. Are they conservatives?”
“Er, no honey, I, er... give me a moment here. You’re right of course.”
* * *
“I guess what I meant to say is that conservatives want to conserve the public dollar. They speak for accountability in the public sector, and they just want to lower taxes for the working people.”
“Silly daddy. Remember last night? Your bedtime story was about how defense accounted for more than half the national budget during the Reagan years. You told about how Reagan accrued four times the debt of all the presidents before him combined. Less than a trillion in, over four trillion out. You said he was the most popular conservative president of our time.”
“Well, I’m glad you were listening, honey, but...”
* * *
“I guess what I meant to say is that conservatives want to conserve family life. They want the American family to return to the way it used to be: A married man and woman living together with two to four children."
“But daddy, didn’t you tell me that in grandma’s day the whole family lived in the same house - aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins?”
“Well, yes, before the industrial revolution, that’s the way most families lived. Its called the ‘extended family.’ Sometimes I think that’s where we went wrong - when we separated the children from daily contact with their grandparents.”
“So the conservatives want us to go back to whole extended families all living in a farmhouse together?”
“Well, er, no... they advocate what we call a ‘nuclear family.’ The mother, the father, and kids.”
“How long did that kind of family exist?”
“Hmmm, I’ve never thought about it, but I guess from after the Great Depression until around the 1970’s when the nuclear family started to unravel. I guess that kind of family was dominant for about twenty or thirty years before it started to get in trouble.”
“So they don’t really want a traditional American family. They just want the kind of family that they knew when they were growing up?"
“Er, well...”
“And, if I understand you correctly, that kind of family was the first step in the eventual unraveling of the American family. Once they removed the elders from family life, things went
downhill fast.”
“Uh, well, yes. I guess I never really thought of it that way.”
* * *
“I guess what I meant to say is that conservatives want to conserve legislation. They feel that the free market works best without artificial controls. That’s what the whole ‘Reagan revolution’ was about. Reagan was a great visionary that came up with the idea that a market self corrects. He said that if you just leave the market alone, it will always stay healthy. What’s good for business is good for America.”
“Um, daddy? Don’t you remember telling me how a long time ago people used to believe the same thing? Before the great depression?”
“Well, yes... now that I think about it. It was called the Classical model of economics.”
“And wasn’t that school of thought proven wrong by the big stock market crash?”
“Hmm... yes it was... but I’m sure that Reagan had some new ideas, he was great at cutting taxes and saving people money.”
“But didn’t you tell me that Reagan entered office with less than a trillion dollars in national debt, and left office with over four trillion?”
“Yes...”
“So he pretended to give us money, but we ended up owing more in the end?”
“Well, I guess you could put it that way...”
“Where did all that money go?”
“Well, aside from enormous defense spending, Reagan gave tax breaks to large corporations so they could re-tool and build new factories. The US was still operating with World War II machinery, and other countries like Japan and Germany had an advantage over us.”
“Didn’t those companies use that tax break money to build new factories overseas?”
“Well, I guess that did happen a lot.”
“So the American people paid to have their own jobs taken away?”
“Well, it’s more complicated than that, honey...”
“But daddy, you said that what’s good for business is good for America - that doesn’t seem true here.”
“Well, I guess you’re right, honey.
* * *
“I guess what I really meant was that the word ‘conservative’ is very misleading. Now go to sleep, dear.”
“Good night, daddy.”
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